The First Marriage and Your Marriage, Pt. 1

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Ask ten people what they think about marriage… and you’ll probably get ten different answers. Some will light up. Some will go quiet. Some will change the subject. But no matter what they say, everyone has an opinion. Pastor Nick Gatzke takes us back to the beginning to get God’s perspective on marriage.

Let’s pray together. Father, we recognize, Father, that you are a God who provides for our every need. Forgive us for the times that we fail to recognize your provision or are ungrateful for your provision, whether that be in our practical lives, our spiritual lives, or even in our marriages, as we talk about that today. Lord, help us to see you and to embrace your works and your ways. Continue to transform us, we ask, in Jesus’ name, amen. Good morning, everybody.

It’s great to see you today. I bet that if I were to ask you about your perceptions or ideas about marriage, that I would probably get a lot of different answers based on your personal experience. For those of you that are married, based on your marriages or based on your assessment of your spouse. I’d get a lot of different answers based on the marriage of your parents that you’ve witnessed. And I’d even get different answers based on the age demographic that you fall into. Younger would answer differently than older. And those of you that come from divorced homes would answer differently than those of you who have come from more healthy experiences.

When we think about marriage, we recognize that there are few topics in this life that are so foundational in their nature, while at the same time being so very urgent in their nature. I mean, think about it with me. Marriage, healthy marriages are the foundation for healthy families. And we know that healthy families are the building blocks of a healthy society. So if a marriage isn’t healthy, you can see how society as a whole can begin to crumble in certain types of ways. This topic is an urgent topic for us, and it’s always urgent because there’s been no society in history that’s held marriage in high enough esteem. No society that has continued to promote the importance or to secure healthy marriages in an aggressive enough fashion. And in our society, we actually see the exact opposite happening, don’t we?

We see an ongoing and intentional erosion of this institution of marriage and even a redefining of the legal boundaries of it in our country. I’ve entitled this morning’s message, the First Marriage and Your Marriage. And I entitled it that because we see here in Genesis chapter two, from the very beginning, God designed this unique part of our lives and the first marriage informs many, many things about our marriages today. And so I wanna ask you to turn with me to the book of Genesis chapter two. And today we’re gonna look at verses 18 through 25. We’ve started this new series called Beyond Repair. And in the last few weeks, we’ve seen how God has created the world by the power of his word and how people were formed in his very image, and that bestows upon them an inherent value and worth that is unlike any of the social constructs that we have today.

Now we get to the part of the story where God not only creates Eve, the woman, but he institutes this very first marriage. So look with me at chapter two, verse 18. This is what it says. It says, “then the Lord God said, it is not good that the man should be alone. I will make him a helper fit for him. Now out of the ground, the Lord had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to see, and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature that was its name. The man gave names to all the livestock and to the birds of the air and to every beast of the field, but for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. So the Lord caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept he took one of his ribs and closed up in its place with flesh, and the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man, and the man said, This is at last the bone of my bones and the flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman because she was taken out of man. Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh, and the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.”

I have three goals this morning for our time together. The first goal is for those of you who are not married but want to be. I want to instruct you from this text on the type of person you should be looking for and the type of relationship that you should strive for in that marriage dynamic. Secondly, for those of you who are married and for whose marriages are going well, I wanna simply encourage you to keep going. What you are involved in is something given to you by God for his glory and for your good, so keep going. And thirdly, for those of you who are here today who are married but it’s not going well, I wanna exhort you to hang in there because for you too, don’t give up. This text has specific calling for you as you understand the importance of this relationship that God has brought you into. And we’ll do this instruction, this encouragement, this exhortation by looking at four ways that marriage is glorifying to God. We see at least four here in Genesis chapter two. And since marriage is glorifying to God, and part of your purpose in this life is to glorify God, then it stands to reason. If marriage is glorifying to God, then it’s good for you. Marriage is glorifying to God, so it is good for you. And we see that in four ways. The first way is found in the relational dynamics that happen around this forming of Eve and their marriage covenant. Look with me at verse 18. The Lord God is looking over his creation.

And he says, from the very beginning, it is not good that a man should be alone. I will make a helper fit for him. The relational dynamic at play here was loneliness. God said, it’s not good that he should be alone. Now you can only imagine what type of loneliness this was. It was physical in nature, it was emotional in nature. But it is clear that from the very beginning, part of God’s image in this man, Adam, was the fact that he was relationally driven as a person. Relationality is part of who you are, no matter what your background is, no matter what your disposition is, no matter what your personality type is this is part of who you are. It mirrors the image of God himself, a relational God who functions not only in relationship with his creation, but also in relationship with himself, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. There’s another element of relational dynamic here that we see from the very beginning, and that is that God created Eve to be the helper of her husband. Verse 18, he says, “‘I will make a helper suitable for him.'” Verse 21, or verse 20, excuse me, “‘There was not a helper fit for him among all of creation.'” Now, when I talk about that, I know that this becomes a very, very quickly becomes a hot button topic for our society. Because it points to the fact that men and women designed from the very beginning had different roles and men here were created as the leader of their families and women in a support role.

So before I go any further, let’s just stop and pause and recognize that that causes some of us to bristle a little bit. So what I want to do is I want to show you from this text how that is actually true, that men and women formed from the beginning have different roles, equal value, mind you, but different roles. And if you still struggle with that by the end of our time together today, if you still are thinking to yourself, darn you, Nick, I don’t want to hear that. And come back in a couple weeks and we’ll talk about why that is so difficult for us as we get on farther down in this book of Genesis. There’s a complementary fashion in which God makes husband and wife. And we see this, that Adam is the leader of his in a few different ways in this passage. Look at it with me.

The very created order itself points to the fact that Adam is the leader. Now, I know that created order or birthing order doesn’t mean as much to us in this society today, but throughout history, and particularly in the ancient world, the first born among a family has a unique and special role of leadership within that family. And therefore, Adam’s order here points to that leadership. Number two, the fact that Adam named Eve points to his leadership. In this respect, Adam is functioning as God’s vice regent over creation. Think about it for a minute.

God exercises his own authority by his word in naming things and as he creates them, he names them. He separates the day and the night and he names them as such. He separates the heavens from the earth as sky and land and he names them as such. And now as we move on through creation, God gets to this place where he bestows this same type of authority on to Adam and he says, Adam, now it’s your role. You function in my place in exercising the same type of authority and I want you to name all of the fish and all of the birds and all of the animals. And I even want you to name this woman.

And you can imagine what it must have been like for him. Animal after animal, livestock after livestock, bird after bird, as he’s trying to think about what to call them. And God puts him in this deep sleep and he does not give a sort of Neanderthal grunt as he sees the woman and whacks her over the head. God presents her to him. And as the emotion wells up, as he sees this beautiful, beautiful creation that God has made, he responds in poetic fashion. Verse 23, this at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh.

“She shall be called woman because she was taken out of man.” The one who names is the one who leads. And in this respect, Adam is leading Eve. The third way we see Adam’s leadership exercised here in a complimentary fashion of the roles is the fact that Eve, the woman is called, very directly, a helper. Verse 18, and this underscores the fact that God gave her a specific charge to come alongside of him in his calling and his vocation in working the garden. It’s a submissive role, but it’s not a demeaning role.

And of course, we’ve all seen throughout our experience how sometimes these roles work wonderfully and beautifully in complementarity. And we’ve also seen abuses of this very same idea. I think of the story of the man who had finished reading the book, “‘Man of the House’ while commuting home from work. And when he got home from work, he stormed into the house and he walked up to his wife and he pointed his finger in her face. And he said, from now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house. And my word is law. You are to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight. And when I’m finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward.”

And after dinner, you’re going to draw me a bath so I can relax. And when I’m finished with my bath, guess who’s going to dress me and comb my hair? And the wife, rather befuddled, stood there and stared at him. And after a long pause said, well, my guess is the funeral director. We’ve all seen abuses of God’s design. And they’re all too horrific in circumstance and even comical in effect.

And yet we see, nevertheless, that it is his design that he’s given men and women different roles in their marriage and their families. Men know that the type of leadership that you provide for your family is important. Don’t avoid it. Again and again and again, we see men abdicating their role or abusing their authority. Know that exercising care and love in leading is the way that God calls for you. Ladies, know that you have a real opportunity to help your husband in all kinds of ways, practical and spiritual. And how you relate to him can help him fulfill the role of his God -given vocation. And it will also at the very same time be tremendously beneficial to you. Marriage glorifies God and it’s good for you. There’s a second and unique aspect of this, and how marriage glorifies God, and that is found in the fact that marriage is a covenant by nature. A covenant. A covenant is an agreement or a binding promise. And this means that the marriage of Adam and Eve from the very beginning is one that’s not based on emotion, it’s not based on romance, it was based on action -oriented, sacrificial love for each other in a relationship that was binding in nature. Now throughout the Bible, there are all kinds of covenants that we see. Many of the covenants are horizontal, they’re from people to people, nation to nation, family to family, if you do this, I will do this, these are the benefits, these are the consequences, it’s a binding agreement, it’s a contract.

Some of the covenants, even the more important covenants are from between God and humans, right? God says, if you do this, I will do this. And then there are some that are like marriage, even one of the most significant kinds of covenants because it is both horizontal and vertical or vertical and horizontal in nature. It is between two people. It’s not a mere contract between two people, however, or a mere agreement. It is between those two people with each other and those two individuals with the person of God Himself. Look with me at verse 24. This is where we find this.

After Eve is presented before him. He says, “therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife and they shall become one flesh.” Departing from one family and forming another is a form of covenant making. And here, the second part of this verse, we see this word to hold fast. They shall leave and hold fast together. Or some of your translations might say cleave. Should leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife. That word to hold fast or to cleave means specifically to unite to someone through a binding promise or an oath. That is a covenant.

Your marriage functions in this way as a Christian. Malachi chapter two, verse 14, tells a man that his spouse is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant. Proverbs 2:17 chastises a wife for leaving the companion of her youth and forgetting the covenant of God. And so if your marriage is a covenant, if it is both material and spiritual in nature, you can imagine the weight of this in your very relationship with God. Tim Keller says it this way. He says, breaking faith with your spouse is to break faith with God at the same time.

That’s why we have vows at Christian weddings. This is why the promises that are expressed in these weddings, yes, are directed to each other and yes, are directed to God. That is why historically Christians have gotten married in churches. And we know the building isn’t magical in nature. God doesn’t live here, he’s ever present. But the building is a gathering place and symbolically the gathering place of his people for an act of worship. And the covenant making of a husband and wife is an act of worship, practically. What this means for Christians is that we’re very careful with who we enter into this type of covenant with.

If there’s such great spiritual implications for us, then we work hard to make our marriages work at all costs. Young people, those of you that wanna get married someday, know that good looks and sexual attraction and even a strong dose of romance are not reasons enough to marry a person. Why? Because those things are not strong enough to keep you married. What is strong enough to keep you married and what is a good reason to marry someone? A covenant, a binding commitment to another person when two people say, I’m gonna put God first in my relationship with him first and this means that we can make promises to each other. That type of binding commitment in God’s plan calls upon God’s power and his priorities to keep you married.

And you know, knowing that divorce is not an option, with the exception of two instances we see in the Bible, is actually an incredibly freeing reality. Knowing that divorce is not an option is really freeing to you. People, our culture would tell you the exact opposite. You should be free. If this thing isn’t going the right way, then get out, you’re free. Well, you know what’s even more free? Knowing that divorce isn’t an option. How so, you say. Well, think about it. If you walk into your marriage with a framework of, I’m gonna do whatever I can do to make this work, and things start to go bad, now you’re trapped within the four walls of your house with this other person that you don’t like for the moment and they don’t like you for the moment, and you only have two options. There’s no doorway to get out. So what are you gonna do? Option number one, you live with the status quo, which seems pretty terrible at the moment.

Or option number two, you work really hard and you humble yourself to sacrificially love this person that you don’t like at the moment and see how God works in your very midst.

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** This transcript was generated using AI transcription technology and reviewed for accuracy, but may contain errors. Please refer to the original audio for precise wording.